it's behind you!

what are you looking for?
i can promise you it's not here
you can stare into a screen all you like

didn't you hear me?
what you're looking for is not here
it doesn't exist on the magical internets

no matter how hard you search
or how clever you get at google
a million miles of wires won't bring you any closer

but you're welcome to waste your heart away looking...

let go

why do i do that thing
where i push people away
and close the door
just as they start to get close?

why do i act busy?
close off my heart
stop reaching out
and hide behind a smile

why do i shut them out
just when they're starting to reach in?
nod and look away
too icecool to fall
as if i have other things on my mind

cause all that's on my mind
is a stupid energy sapping fog
that drinks faith
swallows up trust
breeds doubt
and is made of nothing

pick

so
that was a crap meeting.
turns out it's not going to get any better at all
it's just going to get worse, again
by her design
(thanks a fucking lot)

all i needed was an ounce of faith in me
to prove that doing what i do isn't a complete waste of time
energy talent love loyalty
my stupid altruistic heart
thought that wasn't too much to ask

so now i have more crossroads
starker than ever
wonder how many times life will smack me round the head with choices if i keep choosing roads that aren't the path towards living
no not even that....not even choosing but dodging the idea completely
staying in apathy and limbo
things are just going to keep elevating until i can't not choose.

gift

let me lend you my light
(seeing as that's what i do)
let me share my smile
and lift you into the world

when it's good it's very very good
the giving gives light in return
(when its bad it's horrid
and the empty feelings burn)

you called me a servant
which may be true - but i am not a slave
everyone serves something
named or un-named

wrists

come into the dark, my friend
sit here for a while
i'll watch for lights behind your eyes
and sudden speechless smiles

come over the wall, my friend
where there is all and none
where i and he and we and me
dissolve without the sun

come into the alley, sweet
keep your eyes ahead
all behind’s forgotten now
everything’s been said

come behind the door, my dear
step over that line
sit quite still, and hold your breath
(for we can cheat a little death)
let yourself be mine